When you’re ripe, you rot…

When you’re ripe you rot, when you’re green you grow.  – unknown

Unknown (to me) but it’s a good one.  I’ve had bosses, mentors and coaches use it.  I have as well in my own moments of teaching and efforts at inspiring others.

What’s this got to do with boxing, or anything in life for that matter?

Well, pretty much everything IMO.  If you don’t have an open mind, you let nothing in so, you remain the same.  No worse, but also no better.  Yes, some like where they’re at in life and that’s absolutely OK.  In a past job I had a direct report who didn’t want to talk next steps in her career despite me telling her she was ready for a  senior role.  She was happy in her role and preferred to hone her skills to master what she already loved doing.  I respected that and while a promotion that came with a team and a raise was not in her short-term plan, she was still open to learning and growing.  That’s what this is about so let’s get into it.

From a training perspective it’s having a beginner mindset.  Open mind, ready to learn with that sponge-like mentality.  Back to the fundamentals.  The notion of “train like you’re number 2 and fight like you’re number 1”.  Open to learning from my coaches and teammates.  Visualizing my movements and combinations and soaking up all I can during training.  Post training, each session is entered into my training journal along with date, time, who was there, who I sparred, how I felt, feedback from the coaches and things to work on for next session.  These entries are not always pretty I’ll admit but they’re necessary and yes, I look back at them to see how far I have come.

Raise your hand if you have a collection of these!

Of course, this notion of being open happens both in and outside of the ring as I described early on.  My take and experience is that if we don’t continue to see growth within ourselves, in every aspect of our lives, we’re stagnant and stagnant is not good.  Agree or agree to disagree.

For me, opening my mind to learn to look at situations from a different perspective was revolutionary.  It was a personal challenge and while I’m not sure exactly when this started, I was also reading sports psychology books at the time so naturally I started to apply some of what I was reading and learning.  So, when you observe and process, ask different questions and even self-coach differently, it can help you see things from another perspective and change your reaction(s).  You learn about yourself and you see and feel the growth.

Getting into the ring with a “I’m fighting to win” mindset vs a “I’m fighting not to lose” mindset is a small change in the narrative, but it resonates differently.

Now, as someone who’s instinct was always to act and deal right away, the notion of waiting and watching was something I had to really train myself to do and to be consistent with it.  I had to learn a new skill and it didn’t come overnight or naturally but I opened myself up to it and it took a while to become habitual.  Years actually and no, fuck no, I still don’t always get it right!  The consistency leads to an inside smile each time though.  I smile because I think about how I challenged myself to learn a new mental skill all while learning and bettering my physical craft.  It’s a moment of extreme inner pride AND I’ve also learnt that sometimes not reacting at all is a reaction in itself.  Read that again.

I’m still a go-getter and a doer by nature.  I mean, let’s not get it twisted now!

All that said, I had a personal revelation recently where I came to realize that I needed to go into self-love mode and put that shit into overdrive.  I’m being a little dramatic for effect here.  It’s not that I hate me, not at all, but more that I had been putting too many things before my own personal needs.  Nobody was forcing it but with our new norm and being in constant survival mode during this pandemic, it’s hard not to get wrapped up in the day to day.  Let me elaborate yeah?

In one statement, the frustration built up as I watched my patience just fade away and that tolerance getting lower and lower for the simplest of things.  Right down to beating myself up (verbally) when I didn’t complete everything on my to-do list for the day, yeah really.  I mean, I have all the time, I’m just home all day with an 8-year-old right?  Wrong!!

We’re in the same daily motions, so  this is not unique to me or my family.    We’ve all had to get into new routines, learn about this virus that has spread throughout the world.  Worry and fear took over, literally, and while I have found (and sometimes still trying to find) ways to cope, it’s tough as each day is different.  Throw in homeschooling and familiarizing ourselves with the new learning system – and I have one child at home.  Kudo’s to the parents with multiple kids!  Hats off to you and not to mention, hats off to the teachers as well!

Homeschooling and also pretending to be mommy with her dolls glasses on!

Then the worry came (or should I call it “mom-worry”), and I mean about everything.  Making sure she’s stimulated and entertained throughout the day with enough activity to ensure she’ll go to sleep at a decent hour.  Worry about missing any assignments that were posted – and I’ll confess that I have.  Worry that I’m enough help and that I am explaining everything so she can work.  Worrying that she doesn’t have a routine because hey, routines are good and when I  did start a routine, worrying that it’s too much.  Making sure I get her work ready because I mean, up until now all she’s done on a laptop was look at family pictures and YouTube videos.  So, I prep, print out worksheets and get her into her assignments.  Then scheduling time for us to be on the computer and while she’s on it I’m catching up on reading, my courses, cleaning and the never ending snack prep.

Boy did I realize fast that I couldn’t just walk away and leave her – she’s 8!  She has questions and needs context!

Notice there’s no worry about mama in all of that?  Typical mama behaviour right?

To add to my list, I also wanted to “loosen up a little” knowing she misses her friends, teachers, activities and other family members.  You know, just to make sure I had enough balance.  All this while still making sure I am reminding her that it’s temporary and that it will be ok – even on days when I wasn’t so sure.  I can go on, but I think by now you get where I’m coming from.

So, back to the story at hand.  I was drained and who wouldn’t be with all that going on in one’s head huh?   Still trying to self-motivate and keep the ship afloat so to speak.  So, I had to take a step back and look into my situation and into myself and had to be open to what I would discover, learn and then apply.

I discovered a girl trying to do everything and be everything to everyone. 

Hustle?  That’s my jam ya’ll but during a worldwide pandemic it’s not realistic to be “on” 24/7 in ALL aspects of our lives.  It’s a tall order for even the mentally strongest of us out there and I consider myself pretty strong.  I also discovered that the house, the child, the husband, the family, the training/workouts, the work, meals, homeschooling, my own schooling, family Zoom meets and whatever else will still be there tomorrow and the day after.  I discovered that while I was “checking in” on everyone else and everything else I was doing very little to check on the machine that runs it all.  ME!

I also realized that my daughter won’t remember me messing up or missing an assignment.  She will remember a happy mama  who was present.

She will remember the dancing, cooking, eating pizza, movies and all the belly laughs!

So, in order to do that, me first.  Love me, nurture me, take care of me and all else will fall into place.  I worked so hard to get here and in a few weeks it almost unraveled but, it’s all good, we pick up and get back on the wagon.

Yoga has been one the self-love activities I have gotten very consistent with.

I’ve eased up on myself in ways I’m shocked at but I’m liking it.  I can’t fix everything and everyone and I’m OK with that.  I don’t need to be the glue and I’m OK with that.  Dinner is whatever and that’s OK.  An extra day to rest the body is OK and this one is hard work but I’m trying.  I realized that I have been training 2-3 times a day in some way shape or form and realistically, even once this is over there won’t be a fight for a while.  Train and stay sharp but no need to kill myself.    I want to be in one piece once we get to return to punching people!

Boxing will be back and I’ll be ready for it!

In summary.  I am proud of how I came at this.  It took discipline, consistency and mostly just an open mind to look at myself from a fresh perspective.  A survival tactic in itself.  It’s been a good few weeks now and it’s work to stay consistent especially during COVID 19.  I  slip up some days, but the benefits so far are wonderful so I’m pushing on through.

Self-love and self-care is not selfish – it essential to survival.  Be open to it.