Lessons in Quarantine

Last week I ran three consecutive km’s.  Twice I may add!  By EOW I aim to be at 5km.  I’m recovering from a knee injury and due to COVID, suffered way too long before I could see a physiotherapist.  Healing has seemed like an eternity at this point!

Sharing the lessons I’ve learnt during quarantine is fitting because on my walks & runs I’ve realized I may be down (figuratively) but never out.  I hate injuries and obstacles just like the next human but it’s how we choose to deal that counts.  Cliché yeah but truth none the less. I don’t know about you guys, but we’ve certainly grown over here in the Fabing household.  My hope is that it holds true for all my readers as pre-covid life is no more.  Well at least not for us!

Early days we found ourselves in an unfamiliar space.  Some found our groove quickly, while others were left with heightened anxiety, fear and just general emotional overflow.  I was a mixed bag, at least in the early weeks.  And just when I was on a good trajectory all round, we got hit with another pandemic.  Racism is alive and well and that knocked wind out of me.  Not so much the that it exists, but more the fact that my 8-year-old realized that her daddy could “fit the description” at any time.  To quote her, “can daddy die like George and the jogger mummy?”  There is was, in my face and I was not ready.  So, in the midst of being utterly “shooketh”, I was also hit by a wave of relief when I realized that I have a choice going forward. Break my silence because she is watching and learning.

While I work through my lifetime of being silent, I encourage her not to.

Always watching and always learning!

So, what has been good in 2020?

Growth & Patience

On top of the above mentioned there was homeschooling, figuring out what my next move(s) were going to be and just dealing day to day.  For context, my last day in the corporate world was February 14^th, 2020 and while a wonderful and liberating decision, I was still left with “what’s next”.

Teaching from the kitchen table taught me to change my thinking and my actions.  I went from keeping my head down going through a to-do list until it was done to quickly realizing that I needed to adapt and be more flexible.  Real talk for second…my expectations vs the realities of homeschooling differed greatly.   Introducing new curriculum topics could not be done via watching a video, at least not at 8 years old.  So, I slowed down and became aware of displaying patience, as much as it took.  Taking breaks with Acacia and for as long as she needed them and, I quickly realized they did me good too!

As an athlete, the rest was certainly welcomed.  Taking an extra rest day (or 2) was initially much easier said than done but once I did it consistently, I was all in.  My body loved me and not to mention that my performance and motivation improved tenfold once I got back to it.

Witnessing how tough times either bring out the best or the worst in people had me making a very conscious effort at very respectful of everyone’s personal take on what was happening around them.  This tested my patience but improved it as well.  Whether I agreed or not I realized that it was more important to acknowledge people’s feelings vs getting into a debate.  I had my moments too and I had to self-coach in different ways to make sure I stayed sane i.e.  exercising that patience with myself first.  Yoga, reading, mindless television, extra day off, turning off my phone, take a long bath or heck…do nothing!

Family

It was about being patient with myself first.

Realizing and admitting that I could not do it alone is a big one.  I typically “just do all the stuff” because I like it and because I (think) am good at all the dailies from cooking to cleaning to organizing to planning etc.  I had to show my vulnerability more than ever and learn to not feel like the frequency of it would make me seem soft and incapable to my family.  Given my personality, probably a control issue but being able to recognize that during the last four months was growth in itself.

Strength & Resilience

Yes, you guessed it.  Inner strength and being able to dig deep when you think you can’t.  Finding “it” to have very deep and hard conversations with my child.  Maintaining my composure when I was unsure of the COVID 19 situation and she is asking for updates and assurances that everything will be ok.  I had to dig deeper some days, but I pushed through.  In my boxing world I have made this habitual and it definitely helped to translate into real life.  I didn’t and still do not always say or do the right thing, but I (figuratively) got up and kept going without beating myself up about it.

Connections

My time home with Acacia saw me grow in different ways but we connected on a different level.  Pre-covid our time with them was limited.  School, daycare and then on the weekends it’s activities, birthday parties and playdates.  There were days where we danced, we boxed, she coached me and vice versa, read, wrote and gosh so much more.  Daddy worked up until very recently so when he got home it was to a hot meal or some new dish we tried or a treat we baked.  We now eat dinner together almost seven days a week which almost never happened and without rushing through it which is wonderful.   Weekends it was and still is for the most part just the three of us starting new traditions and making memories.

A special connection Acacia and I made during this time was our weekly virtual boxing class a.k.a. family meet up through Kingsway Boxing Club.  It still is part of our weekly schedule.  Ten rounds shared between a few coaches with a little chit chat at the end.  We also held a virtual Master Chef and have an upcoming KBC’s Got Talent to mixed it up a bit.  Two phenomenal things happened as the weeks went by:

1. The progression in the kids through their love of the sport was something I feel so fortunate to have witnessed as a coach and as a mother. One day, it just “clicked”.  I wrote a past piece about this so click if you have time to read.
2. Acacia slowly started coaching with me. It happened organically and while she’s not a shy child, she was typically quiet by nature and here she is coaching and prepping for classes with such a level of maturity.

Gratitude

Let me shout this out right here – “I am finally doing the things I want to do and was meant to be doing”!  In the same breath “what took me so long”?  I know, timing is everything.

Doing me, my way, my terms!

Finding my voice!  Not the loud day to day one but the one that remained silent for many years and that feels good.  Yes, black lives still matter the last time I checked, and I am not going to stop pointing it out as it will matter tomorrow and the day after.  Not only am I no longer silent but I am seeing many people’s true colours since I started speaking.  This is a good thing.

I stopped trying to mend relationships and friendships I did not end or break.  Some people are in our lives for a reason and some for a season, maybe two and this year I realized I cannot be everything to everyone.  Most of all, when someone’s season is over, it’s okay to say, “peace out” and wish them well.  This time allowed for reflection and evaluation – of myself first and foremost and and who I was giving my precious time and energy to.

I am grateful for the time I had to reflect and look deep into myself to be the best I can for my family.

To end, we have all been thrown the biggest curve ball this year and suffered all kinds of changes.  We’ve had to adjust in big ways and some of us are still dealing with that second ball that came our way, but we have it in us to push through and keep doing so consistently.

2020 May have knocked us down but we are not out!

Be back here soon!