December 2020

It’s December 2020 and it’s a big month in our family.  Anniversary, two birthday’s and of course the holiday festivities and the reality this year is that it will be very different but I’ll add, it’s what we make of it right?

23 YEARS COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS.

AND, if you’re in Toronto or Peel region Canada, you’re also in lockdown part two.  Sucks but I’m sure everyone is better prepared this time around or trying to be?

We knew this second wave was a reality given the numbers on the rise, many just blatantly not following the rules and oh, because the government mentioned it was a possibility over and over.  I remember the feelings I had the day before and the morning of the announcement of the second lockdown – these feelings were for  many reasons – but the triggers I experienced in March came to mind and for a moment or two I guess I got that feeling of uneasiness.  The nostalgia was real, but like I said, it lasted a few moments.  Why?  We were all different people nine months ago.  The unknown hit us and nearly knocked the wind out of most.  The fear, anxiety, stress and panic was a real thing.

Here we are though.  Better for it in some ways and maybe not so much in others and I recognize that.  People have lost jobs and businesses and I feel for everyone but, it’s not the unknown this time which is my point.  So, sidebar and a PSA – panic shopping is not necessary!!!

I also know how to handle my triggers and where to put my energy if and when they surface.  If you have time I wrote a piece here on my personal lessons learnt during quarantine.  The early days were tough, then kind of eased out as I navigated through home schooling, income and just surviving.  It was a different world.  I was very grateful at the time that Ashley was still working full-time until one day in June his employer of 18 years verbally assaulted him – not the first time to his other employees – and Ash said enough.  I’m out.  I supported him and pushed him to finally start his own business but man the anxiety and excitement of such an undertaking all at once is a thing on its own.

Many also took the time to improve and work on ourselves while 2020 forced us to slow down.  Or, to frame it a little more poetically, “while the world slowed down, we reinvented ourselves”, or some aspects ourselves.  Finishing that certification or degree, starting a new business, finally getting to that passion project or take on new ones and new challenges, you know?  In my case, almost all of the above and while not all at the same time, they came.  When I saw the opportunity(ies), I took the time to explore it, nurture it and watch it grow.  I’ll say this though, once you get past the “what if it’s the wrong decision or the wrong choice”, you’re already winning.  I try and if it doesn’t work, I move on and most importantly – I don’t beat myself up about that mistake.  By the time hubby was in his situation I had enough confidence back in me to help him push forward and work through the initial anxiety.  It’s a slow but steady growth and we’re absolutely grateful for it.

Many friends and acquaintances have mentioned that they want a 2020 do-over, that this year doesn’t count but I say hell yes it counts.  Whether you did something new, finished a project, fought for your business (regardless of outcome) or stayed the course to just navigate through the year the only way you knew how for you and you family – you did that shit.  I don’t want to come across as insensitive as I know many people have lost their livelihood due to Covid, a few friends included and I am gutted for everyone.  There are things about and some reasoning behind this lockdown that make no sense to me.  That said, some of them are starting to emerge/recover again.  Don’t stop fighting.

We have all grown as humans during this though, we had to.  None of us are the same in any way.  And not just due to Covid19.  There were additional pandemics all over the world and I shared my opinion in some cases – racial injustices everywhere, gender-based violence increasing, the endSARs unit in Nigeria – I can go on but I’m sure you get it.  All this additional news out there heightened our emotions and senses and so our level of compassion for people and for life in general has increased tenfold.  Tell me I’m wrong.  I can’t stop there without saying that it’s also heightened negative reactions but here I’ll quote philosopher James Allen, “circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him”.

It’s December and the year is winding down.  Typically, I would start the war cries by now: “Finish strong folks.  Don’t miss a beat, don’t stop.  Set those 2021 goals and don’t wait until December 31^st to start thinking about them”!  I can tell I’ve changed and grown because my year end war cry may be the same in words, but it comes with a different underlying message:

“Finish strong folks but while you push on, don’t forget how far you’ve come.  Reflect and celebrate all the wins this year – big, small and tiny!  Don’t feel pressured to have a new goal or New Year’s resolution just because so-and-so is doing so-and-such.  Focus on you so you can take care of you and those who matter most to you”.

Lockdown or nah – be you, always!

Be you, always.