TOOLS, TIPS & TRUTHS: A HEALTH & FITNESS SERIES BY SHIREEN FABING

Oh hey!

This is an ongoing blog series sharing my favourite tools, tips and truths related to health, fitness and wellness.  Just my perspective and my experiences a woman, mom, an athlete, boxing coach, personal trainer and entrepreneur – not always all at once and not always in that order!  My goal is to help, inform and/or motivate as many humans as I can!

NEW – October 5, 2021:  Tactics to set boundaries and let go of what doesn’t serve you!

Have you had a relationship just end?  Any relationship – friends, romantic, colleagues?  No explanation, just cut off and you spend time wondering what happened or what you did?  Guess what?  It’s not about you.

Every situation will have its own “tea” but when I say it’s not about you, it’s not.  You must come to that point where you let it/them go and the bonus?  The void you THINK they’ll create will just make room for you to let others in OR spend more time with yourself and the good people you have around you.  Perhaps easier said than done but you have to go through the motions and let me tell you, once I realized that (in my case) it was ALL them and that it’s ok to let ‘em go, liberating is an understatement.

My “motions” as mentioned above, included wasting so much time wondering what was happening given the ongoing silence but, I’ll also be the first to say that people are in our lives for a reason and some for a season.  Took a decade but it took that friendship to make me realize that I have some naivety or blinders when it comes to people’s characters and that’s ok.  All learning and it worked out for the best in the end – and it always does.

Now let’s flip that around, shall we?  And this is the part I probably should have led with, but I wanted to preface.  Nothing is more liberating than letting go of what doesn’t serve you.  A job, hobby, friend or even a toxic family member that is sucking the life out of you.  If you’re already drained before a task or interaction with someone, then it’s time to pivot.  I mean literally pivot.

It is already hard living in this world today so spending time on something or with people who don’t serve you, in whatever capacity, is a complete waste of time – yours and theirs.  We’ve all been there at some point in our lives and sometimes you feel like you can never get that time back – and it’s true – but we learn from it, grow through it and we move on.

So, how do we drop what’s not serving us any longer?  I don’t have the magic answer or formula but here are some tactics I’ve used in the past.  Not all at once but the situation will dictate:

• Learn to say no: Louder for the people in the back!  AND you can say no and stop right there.  Yes, without ANY further explanation if you’re not so inclined.  If people are offended when you say no, it’s not you offending them, they are offended by you saying no and there is a difference.  Read that again!  If your intentions are honest and pure, then you are not responsible for what they take from a response they did not want to or expect to hear.  “No, not today” is acceptable but it’s your choice whether you feel an explanation or alternative is required.
• Set boundaries: It is healthy and it’s self-care.  Contrary to what we believe(ed), it’s NOT selfish to set boundaries.  Whether physical, intellectual or emotional, make sure you communicate it to the other party.  How are they going to know what you need from them?  Please don’t touch my (or my daughter’s hair) is a popular one in black culture and this one sometimes needs to be communicated multiple times but even so, re-iterate.  I have learnt to say out loud “I don’t have the brain capacity for this right now, please give me a day or two” or “I need a time out emotionally, I need space”.  It’s one of those things that get better and better the more you do it 😊.
• TAKE. UP. SPACE: Speak up and speak out.  For far too long women and especially women of colour have had to take the back seat or not have a seat at all.  Talk too loudly = ghetto.  Speak up = angry.  Stand up for what you believe in = emotional.  I had a young white male boss some years ago and year-end review came up.  I had a kick-ass year with events, awards and thinking outside the box, bringing in big revenue for the company.  All those things required me to be assertive and fight for what I believed could work.  His translation: “Shireen, you did a great job but next year maybe work on controlling the emotion”.  For that, I didn’t get the maximum annual salary increase – but my counterpart did, and you guessed it.  White and male but more importantly he would say of himself “whew, I got a little heated/emotional in that meeting”.  My younger self would be proud of me today because I didn’t change my game and to said boss – I still fight for what I believe in, with passion and emotion and a bonus, these days it that I can do it with my fists too lol!
• Have conflict: It’s 2021 and I just learnt the importance of this earlier this year.  “The Good Fight” is a must read by Liane Davey and this read captured me right away.  She talks about why conflict is good and healthy with real life examples that had me oooh’ing and ah’ing throughout.  She talks about racking up “conflict debt” in her book which basically tells you that the more you don’t speak up the harder it becomes and the more you do, it doesn’t only become easier but also, won’t even feel like it’s a confrontational conversation.
• Drop the mic: Sometimes you just need to say it and walk away.    There comes a time in our lives where we just need to walk away.  Rise above and realize what is not worth your time or energy and strut off.  Usually at this point you’re done and there’s no turning back.  That’s good.

Doing all or any of the above doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered.  It’s a show of courage, strength and being true to you.  That is beautiful and ya’ll know it, STRONG IS MY BEAUTIFUL!

Stay blessed!

LINKS BELOW FOR PAST POSTS IN SERIES

October 5, 2021:  Hormones, hormones, hormones!!

January 31, 2021:  Movement

January 1, 2021:  Self-Care

December 9, 2020:  The Foam Roller