LOVE YOURSELF TODAY, TOMORROW & EVERY OTHER DAY

It’s definitely a celebration today.  Two years ago I left the corporate world never to look back and, I’m still out here!

Someone asked me yesterday:  “you left on Valentine’s day” and I answered:  “yeah, I guess I loved myself that much”!  I was only half joking but a very ironic statement for someone who doesn’t do and never did this particular hallmark holiday.

To those who celebrate, do you.  Enjoy it and enjoy spoiling your loved ones.  The only time I made any kind of deal about it was for Acacia.  Little cards for her kindergarten classes when they were doing that, dressed her in the red and the pink.  Bought her chocolates and stuffies and she loved it.  It made her happy and that made me happy.  Today, at 10 years old, she’s indifferent but I figure she’ll make up her mind when she’s older.  Her nonchalance makes me giggle inside though and reminds of my attitude towards the whole thing.  Live the love in your day to day and you won’t need a day to hallmark it.  That’s it, that’s me.

The day I walked out of that building for the last time I felt so light.  I felt free for the first time in a long time, and it felt damn good.  It felt right.  I gave a four week notice and during those last weeks as I finished off projects and said my goodbyes, I realized that a lot of the people around me were going through the same or similar feelings and for many different reasons.  Most looked at me with a sincere admiration and some even voiced how proud they were to know someone who decided to “just do it”.  Seeing me believe that I could and that I’d be okay also made them comfortable enough to share that their fear of the unknown and their comfort of the nice bi-weekly deposit was what was holding them back.  I remember listening intently and thinking that me leaving this job that paid the bills was only step one to inspiring so many more people.

In order to do that I needed to bring back #shireenthemachine and revive or re-ignite the passion and the self-love that seemed to fade into the shadows.  Those first months, which was also when Covid kicked off, I did ton of work on myself and that work is still ongoing.  Reading, writing, admitting, accepting, opening up and at the same time letting go.  Self-love is now part of me daily and it looks different each day.  Being able to put words to years of suppressed feelings and even some childhood traumas feels good.  Forgiving myself for not knowing any better in situations where I made not so good choices was also overdue.  Working hard but not being overly hard on yourself is tough to balance but, it’s doable.

I’ll remind you all that I did not have anywhere to go or even a solid plan when I resigned back then – something very out of character for me.  All I knew is that I needed to get out because somehow, in the two years prior to that I’d lost my voice and had been questioning my “why”.  I wasn’t standing up for myself in situations where I felt bullied or treated less than and that just wasn’t me.  I started feeling like a failure and a fake and could feel I was going into a dark place.  By staying I was doing a disservice to myself and to my family and not mention the people in my circle who are true and real.  The six figures definitely wasn’t worth it and two panic attacks later, it was me first or else and I didn’t want to get to the “or else” part!

I didn’t have the answers or even a plan two years ago, but I knew for sure I wanted to do me and share that with the world.  I wanted to show the world that “YOU CAN” and spread that mantra in multiple ways.  Leaving solidified that I was already on my way, and I hadn’t even officially started.  It was the passion in my gut and an uncontrollable desire to inspire others that reassured me I’d be ok.  I walked away from a table that not only wasn’t serving what I wanted, but it wasn’t open to receiving or even exploring what I was offering so, I’m building my own and so far, it’s been quite the project.  I get impatient some days, but I do believe in not rushing the process but to trust it, obstacles and setbacks included.

I look in the mirror two years later and I’m proud of the person staring back at me.  I reclaimed lots over time but also gained so much more.  The face in the mirror reminds me that it doesn’t take just one day to love yourself.  It has to be consistent.  The love and the relationship we have with ourselves is THE most important one so spoil yourself.  Buy yourself flowers….or the shoes, you deserve it.

Happy #selfloveday