GOTCHA DAY 2023: A DECADE OF MEMORIES & CONNECTIONS

It’s that time of the year again!  Always nostalgic, always great memories.

Most of all it’s a reminder of some of the most precious memories and connections our adoption journey has created.  As cliché as it sounds when they say, “blood doesn’t make you family”, it’s 100% true.

This year we celebrated a decade of our gotcha day and every year it’s an emotional ride for this mama.  Happy emotions of course.  I’m not the most sentimental or emotional but this always pulls at my heartstrings.  I go through all kinds of motions and emotions ranging from the first time we met Acacia, to our visits, her first sleepover to the day we brought her home – and of course every moment up until now.

Sidebar:  We celebrate our Gotcha Day on the day we brought her home vs the final court date.  This is our family day while others wait for the judge which is typically a year after that.  Either way it’s a beautiful time and it was also the easiest way we could explain to her when we started having the conversations.

This year there’s an additional layer of emotions.  I won’t (and can’t) divulge too much but we were very far down the path of going through a second adoption.  As a family we had to make the hard decision earlier this year to walk away from it.  It was not a decision we wanted and nor did we make it lightly. For me, it was probably one of THE hardest ones I’ve had to make in very long time.

I put it off for weeks.  I prayed harder than I ever had, meditated, and did all the self-care I could think of to help me make the decision but also to ensure that I/we were making the right decision.  I think something inside me broke or cracked, and I’m probably still healing but while it was a big loss, we still have that connection and that would not be possible if we had not adopted the first time around.  Make sense?

So here we are.

November 7th is Family Day over here and we’ve celebrated in various ways over the years.  This year we decided to have a blended family celebration and it was quite heartfelt.  Anyone reading, who came out a few days ago, your presence was a gift and for our siblings in South Africa and Bahrain – we know you were there in spirit.  We love you all!

It’s about the gratitude we feel for the last decade as it truly takes a village.  From blood relatives to Acacia’s foster family to teachers to coaches and friends, I truly believe that each has contributed to the growth and development of not only Acacia but to us as parents and a family unit.  I mean, this mama had zero idea what she was doing 10 years ago and while I was feeling like all kinds of failure during those early days, there were many who assured me that they felt the same way when they started their parental journey…and also years into it.  It may not have made me feel better, but it certainly made me feel like I was not alone!  I appreciate you all.

What many don’t know is that our journey started rocky.  The first agency we approached suddenly “closed” indefinitely.  We continued on but we hit a second bump.  We were promised the go ahead to adopt and 48 hours later were told, “well actually, it was not approved”.  We’d spent those 2 days telling our families so that really knocked the wind out of us all, but we still pushed on.  We changed case workers who we immediately felt connected to and a few months later our journey took off and things happened fast!

I shared that part because if anyone out there is reading this and is going through some of the same, don’t give up!  It’s not an easy journey mentally or emotionally.  You need a bit of a thick skin to keep pushing through so if our story can help anyone, I’m happy!  I remember calling up various organizations looking for information and guidance and being turned away.  The folks on the other end of line were not very helpful but looking back, I feel like that was and maybe still is a tactic to make sure only serious families are let in.  That’s just my perspective and our experience.  Like anything in life, good things happen in due time and every setback is just that, a setback.  If you want something badly enough or believe in something strongly enough, you’ll keep fighting and keep pushing.  We believed deep in our hearts that there was a child out there for us.  Our path to her had some twists and turns but we made it!

Earlier this year Acacia saw the things that were happening around us during the process I mentioned.  She was part of the discussions and witnessed many of the phone conversations, around it.  Along with us she put in a lot of effort, time, work, visits, and more and one day we were discussing yet another issue we were facing, and Acacia said to us:

“So, everyone is fighting for XXX, who fought like this for me?”

That was the moment for me.  As much as I didn’t want to say the words, I knew the time had come to make a hard decision and we made that decision as a family.  I realized how hard the process, which had been going on for years, must have been for her and I felt awful.  I hadn’t realized it until that moment.  We were so tired, stressed and jumping through hoops every time something was required that we didn’t or couldn’t stop to take a beat.  That said, we made sure she knew that we fought for her and that we never gave up.

We knew she was out there which is why we kept pushing.  We just had to find her and when we did, it was a match made perfect in so many ways.

Because of her we have an extended/blended family of many amazing and strong role models.  Because of her and her friendships we’ve made connections with other families who have become friends over time.  Because of her I really leaned into my own health and wellness journey – I believe I can because of her, because she’s watching and learning.  Because of her our family grew in number and we grew as people.  She brings joy to many lives and has connected so many people and my hope is that one day she sees that for herself.

As our journey continues, I’m always here for anyone needing guidance or has questions about adoption.  Our approach has always been an open one, especially with Acacia and in turn, she’s always been comfortable talking about it.  Yes, we’ve received a lot of unsolicited advice over the years 😊and it’s all good but it’s like that with every life changing journey or event, right?  You just have to do what’s best for you and yours.

We’re looking forward to the next ten years!

#gotchaday #celebrations #familyday #memories #connections #family #love