GRIEF: FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH LOSS

Grief is a human experience that we all will face during our time on earth but we can work through it. The loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship or friendship, job loss, career change or any other substantial change can bring up very deep and complex emotions and/or challenges.

Like many, I’ve gone through all of the above and recently, once again, we’ve lost and are grieving a loved one.  He passed on January 31^st, but I’ve had to wait until my emotions settled a bit before I could share thoughts and feelings on it without getting dark.

Everyone deals with loss differently and there is no right way to grieve but we can, at the very least, find ways to deal with and process in healthy ways which has been my goal.  Add in a layer of being abroad and being strong for everyone at home with little to no support from the outside and it adds another stressful layer to it.  A sad one at that.  Yes, many of us choose to go abroad whether to work or more permanently, immigrate, but it does not take away from the fact that we’re allowed to grieve as well as be respected as we go through it.

There are many versions of the definition of grief but they all point to the same statement – grief is the emotional response to loss.  If you’ve experienced it, you know it can present itself in various ways including sadness, anger, and confusion just to name a few.  Most of the time we go through all these at the various stages of our grieving journey.

I’ve already mentioned types of losses but the first thing that comes to mind on the topic is usually the passing of a loved one.  It’s the most recognized form of loss but the response can differ depending on the nature of the relationship and circumstances.  In my/our case he was someone remarkably close to us.  He was one of two groomsmen at our wedding, like a brother to both myself and my husband and a very decent and good human being.  Add fun loving, charismatic, kind and genuine into the mix and you know heaven got a good one.

These are always my personal views and experiences, and my goal is that it finds who it needs to find to help in their healing and/or grieving journey. There are various coping strategies for dealing with loss – negative and positive – and it’s important to honour that loved one or that loss as well as ourselves by doing so in healthy ways.  Here are three that I found helpful:

1. Feeling the feels: Not everyone likes to openly share their feelings but suppressing them could prolong your healing journey. Allow yourself to express yourself by talking about what you’re feeling, communicating your needs during this time or keeping a grief journal.
2. A support network: My anger stage was that nobody checked in on us, especially on the day of the funeral, but I reminded myself that it’s not about me. I’m not that person to make it about me so where was this coming from?  I gave myself grace, yes, I did and was grateful that I had my husband close.  Also, people eventually did check in to see how we were doing as they too were just dealing with it all as well.  The support was and is there and it’s important to know that.
3. Self-care: Being kind and gentle with yourself. Everything from rest to fueling your body to gentle movement and/or meditation are just a few ideas.  Remember that self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant or excessive.  Simple acts of kindness to oneself are better.

Those are just a few coping strategies and if they are not things you could find helpful, there is also the option of seeking professional help.  Yes, there are grief experts and counselors who can listen and provide guidance during this time.  You can go solo or there are options for family sessions.

We can also honour the people we lose in multiple ways, and we can keep their spirit alive through ceremonies and memorials but it’s important to remember what grieving is not.  It’s not about moving on per say but rather, it’s learning to live with that loss and find joy or love for someone or something again.     

I believe that what doesn’t kill us can only make us stronger and yes, grieving and mourning are incredibly challenging, but we grow through it.  As long we remember that our feelings are valid, there is no right or wrong way to mourn loss and that healing is possible.

It’s brave and courageous to share how we’re feeling and to seek out help during tough or sad times.  It’s okay to ask for help whether from the outside or from people we know and trust and eventually, when we find the light or love in something and/or someone, we’ll be able to honour that loss even more deeply.

This loss reminded me that there are decent humans on this earth and there are people who will provide support and kindness during challenging times.  It goes both ways and it’s a strength that is a beautiful thing.

#grief #copingwithgrief #workingthroughgrief #healing #healingjourney #writer #blogger #strongismybeautiful