#gotchaday2017

Today is family day!  A.k.a. “gotcha day”!

What a great day to share my first blog post as it’s been a while in the making here.  Why?  Why not I say and I’ve wanted to start one to document the adoption process way back when but that wasn’t my time.  The idea of blog surfaced again earlier this year when  I posted this photo:

.Photo Credit: Virgil Barrow

It made and still makes feel strong and beautiful at the same time every time I look at it.  It was captured when I had no idea it was being captured.  Not posed, no make up and probably sweaty as hell and believe it or not I got some negative, sarcastic and borderline nasty commentary on it and now I wish I hadn’t deleted them.  This is when I started tagging my social pics #strongismybeautiful as this is what I feel and believe and the idea evolved and grew from there.

Now, between mom’ing, wife’ing, working and constant training and hopefully competing more, I’m not sure how much time I can commit to my little blog yet but we’ll see.

Sidenote – I just came off a unanimous decision win on Nov 4 making me now 5-1 as an amateur boxer.  Very proud but another blog post for that :).

I want to share all the things that fuel my strength and that feeling of beauty.  My people, fuel and training are some topics but follow my IG pages – I keep it real there too!

Back to four years ago when life literally changed for hubby and I.  Technically it changed a few months prior when we were told there was a baby up for adoption and that we were the candidate parents but November 7, 2013 was when brought her home.

I started telling her the story of we first met her earlier this year and even though she can narrate it end to end she prefers I tell it to her and I oblige – usually it makes it’s way into our hair braiding time in the mornings.  Our first meet with her and her foster mom, Sandra, was October 23, 2013.  I don’t know why but I went in to the office, couldn’t really focus but some of my colleagues knew what the afternoon held and they were just as excited for me which was cool.  We showed up with our case worker Andrea and “ding-dong” – Sandra opens up the door with the warmest and most welcoming smile.  My nerves at this point are shot but the warm hello followed with a big hug from Sandra really helped.  Of course my eyes are darting around looking for an 18 month old and from behind Sandra (a.k.a. grandma) peeks the most beautiful little face.  Dressed in denim coveralls, checkered blouse, sneakers and ponytail on top of her head.  No smile but the face of curiosity was there staring at us.  In we go resisting the urge to just scoop her up and hug her tight.

October 23, 2017 – First meeting

We continued our visit with questions and of course Sandra has done this a few times before, so she was super helpful.   I’m there,  just checking off the my questions in my little notebook – classic Shireen.  Andrea mentioned to us from the get go that we’d likely have to earn affection from Acacia and it was true – for me :).  She almost immediately gravitated toward her daddy, they played and laughed but she was having none of me….yet.  She got a little tired and cranky while we visited and started crying a little and she came to me when I stretched out my arms and put her head down – that’s her favorite part of the story too.  I remember leaving that day saying to Ashley that we have another family – meaning Sandra and hers.  It’s a large blended family of humans that my little human brought together.  It still gives me the warm and fuzzies.

Fast forward to November 7th (in between we were moving back into our house after major home renos, started our visitation with Acacia, finishing work and then some) – still can’t believe I held it together lol.

Early days. Getting to know one another.

I will add here, the adoption process for us was not as lengthy as we anticipated and nor what most people told us.  We had some ups and downs and some really hard moments for sure and unfortunately you have to hunt down the information you need and even when you reach the right place you have to dig and probe to get what you need.  Strategy?  Maybe.  I’ve since been approached by quite a few friends, friends of friends and even acquaintances and I share whatever I can.  After some of the “downs” we experienced I vowed to help whoever asked for it.  It is not easy  at first and in our case it took some perseverance and a “don’t give up attitude” but once we were made it over the few obstacles I guess we were meant to endure, it of course had a happy ending.

Speaking of help – I would have asked for more indeed.  Before, during and after the process and then during the transition time and so on.  As women we put SO much pressure on ourselves and personally I just assumed that people had these great expectations of me and that I was going to get this right the first time.  HA!  Again, classic Shireen.  I would have saved myself much upset, doubting myself, getting agitated and frustrated with hubs and more but I have a “just do it” personality and very very seldom ask for help.  Most of my life, this has worked but this…..well, a whole other story.  I can’t be so hard on myself either right – when people don’t respond to your silly texts or one’s who said I’ll babysit, do this do that are “ghost” – literally – it’s off-putting.  It is a two way street but if I ever had the opportunity do it again I would certainly not shy away from reaching out more.

My other point (and you’ll see how this ties into my #strongismybeautiful mantra) is that strength comes from different places.  We are never too old or too smart to learn anything new and once I started asking for help, reaching out and being inclusive of friends and family it was a load off my shoulders for one.  Also, seeing how happy the people in my life were to help and hearing them say wow Shireen, you’ve been so good to me or a good friend to me I’m just happy to be able to help you with this – no matter how small or trivial it seemed to me, it made someone else feel good and part of something beautiful.  In turn, I felt good.  Strong and beautiful for all.  It’s simple.

Supporting a cancer survivor boot camp. with mini. Photo Credit: Virgil Barrow

Back to #gotchaday2017 though!  Our annual tradition kind of just happened.  The day went by so fast.  We met at the doctor’s office as this is protocol for adoption day.  It was quite the drama show.  Mini knew something was happening for sure and her bond with grandma is still a tight one so I guess in her 19 month old mind and unable to express herself she just screamed and cried.  Back to Sandra’s for some paperwork and I remember crying during that – for the first time during the entire process.  Happy tears no doubt.  Leaving and packing all minis clothes and belongings was quite the departure as well.  Poor kid – at this time she’s way past nap time so for all the parents you know how that went.

I’ll take a moment to mention that initially we were told you get nothing from foster care but the clothes on her back and if you’re lucky some items she’s attached to.  Well, our dear Sandra is the opposite of every bad foster home/parent story and there are many like her.  We did not expect a thing but wow, they were truly generous.  There are exceptions to every story and in this context I know of quite a few so it’s important to recognize that.  Love you lady if you ever read this :).

With Grandma Sandra – Nov 7, 2013

So off we go – full of emotions, toddler in the back in tears but falls asleep in literally 2 minutes!  By now it’s around 4pm so home we get and neither of us want to take out of the car – probably our new parent fear of her waking up and still being tired so we go for a drive end up for dinner in Port Credit – Snug Harbor restaurant if you know it and that has been our annual celebration spot since.  We had dinner, ate ice-cream, got home, played and hung out and continue to make beautiful memories everyday.

November 7, 2013

Acacia is quite the character and she makes my heart smile, literally.  I’m amazed each and every day at her calm and kind spirit.  She’s a determined little girl who knows what she wants and she lets us know it to lol.  She doesn’t give up and I hope that the honesty and curiosity in her doesn’t ever go away.  In turn, I’ve learnt so much about myself in the last 4 years and a lot of it from her.

Being a mom is a privilege and I cherish every day I can be one.