GOTCHA DAY 2026: 13 YEARS LATER | GROWTH, LESSONS & LOVE

I started this blog Nove 2017 with our adoption story and thought I’d take a trip down memory lane and share some of what I’ve learnt as a mom over the last 13 years.

Before I get into that I think it’s fitting to share that 13 is a lucky number in our house because of Acacia – the piece that made our forever family whole 13 years ago.

She claimed the number because she was born on the 13^th and she got her forever home in 2013. But it goes deeper.  She was about 6- or 7-years-old when she discovered that 13 was typically not associated with luck and in many cultures linked to superstitious beliefs and bad or negative omens.  She wouldn’t accept that.

She was curious so we talked about it at length, did research and together we discovered that certain cultures viewed 13 as lucky and a sign of new beginnings and more.  I’ve linked some background here but, she claimed it and owned it ever since. It was so beautiful to see her process everything, and by flipping it into something positive told me all I needed to know – she is always watching, listening and learning.

Cute side story – when she joined her first soccer rep team her lucky number wasn’t available for her jersey.  She took what they gave her, and she had a great first season!  Second season the number became available, and I requested a new uniform and folks – for the next few seasons she was either in 1^st or 2^nd place for top scorer and became a very valuable player for the team.  She always referred to her jersey number (along with her skill of course) so she may have been on to something, just saying!

Back to topic.

It seems like a long time ago, but it feels like it went by in a flash.  I remember November 7^th, 2013, so vividly.  We were excited, nervous and knew that our lives would never be the same and back then, in ways we didn’t know.  I also experienced a fear of the unknown, not having a back up plan in case I messed up and feeling like I had no idea what I was doing.  With all that uncertainty there was one thing I did know – I wanted to bring her home.

Before bringing a baby home we were married 16 years plus together for 4 more prior.  Yes, we tried and unfortunately carrying a baby wasn’t in God’s plan for me and for the longest time I was content, worked, climbed the corporate ladder and socialized lots.  Eventually we started talking about adoption, went through the process and the day we got the news that it was a little girl, we were elated.  Everything happened “quick-fast” from that day.

I’m still learning daily and learning alongside my husband and daughter but here are some lessons and learnings that stand out from the last 13 years!  Enjoy.

Patience & Grace

For someone known for always getting the job done and doing so almost always seamlessly, delivering on time with positive results, I was stunned at how clueless I felt.  Even with reading books and doing all the parenting and adoption courses that were required, I still felt like I was spinning.  I remember trying to enjoy and take in the process, but everything seemed like it was going at light speed.

Listen, I was used to working under pressure and comfortable juggling multiple projects, but I felt like I was always one step behind in this process.  That mommy-daughter bonding that everyone told me was going to be so amazing seemed unreachable but, eventually we clicked.  Once the dust settled and I could exhale, we started vibing.  Patience with my new 18-month-old, patience with my husband who was also adjusting, patience with my extended family and most of all patience with myself.

As my biggest critic, with no rule book on how to parent back then and currently navigating through the teen years while in menopause, I’m constantly feeling like “I’m doing it wrong” but I have learnt to remind myself to give myself the same grace as I give Acacia, my family, colleagues and friends.

I think having patience is a superpower and being able to give yourself grace is self-care.  My husband has it naturally but as someone who has had to develop and nurture it – I’m humbled indeed.  I don’t always get it right, but I keep trying.

“All you need is love”

My very good friend Shanaaz gave me this piece of advice when I shared that we were adopting.  I honestly didn’t know what she meant at first because of course I loved this little girl – at absolute first sight!

I realized that everything I did from that moment was and still is out of love.  Nurturing her, teaching her, being hands on and even harder, stepping back and being hands off so she can learn and find her own place and voice in the world.  That last part is tough, but I feel is necessary – within limits of course!

I make a concious effort to ensure that she knows how much she is loved both verbally and through action and even during those “character building moments” we share, I’m confident that she knows and feels it.

Not everyone is pro-adoption

I discovered this early on, and this will be short, but you read that right.  I didn’t and still don’t care.  I wasn’t doing it for everyone.

Time flies

Until I lived this, I had no idea!  I was home for 9 months after adoption day a.k.a. “gotcha day” and before I knew it, Acacia was enrolled in day care and I had to return to the corporate jungle – ugh.  School started and she’s had a great journey to date for which I’m so grateful.  Amazing teachers, friend groups, mentors and sports coaches.  Add academic accolades and athletic achievements in multiple sports and watching her grow into who she is today makes us extremely proud.

She’s a smart, kind, strong-willed young lady who, like many her age, are just trying to find their voice, establish their own presence and work through feelings and emotions that, most of the time, they have no idea how to process.  If you know, you know that this is a tough age, but even so, I love the moments when I can tell she was listening, watching and learning over the years – even if it doesn’t seem that way in the moment, they always are.

Early this morning I went down a little rabbit hole of all the old YouTube workout classes I used to teach during COVID and was watching how she showed up as my assistant coach.  We planned the sessions together, coached together and eventually did IG lives as well.  The people loved Coach Acacia!  She would later go on to receive an honorary coaching accolade from Kingsway Boxing Club and a Talent Identified Athlete certification from Boxing Ontario.

While the pandemic seemed long and never-ending it flew by for us as we filled it building many foundational habits and life skills that I see her apply today.

It takes a village

Oooh this one always gets me.

If I had a do-over for adoption (and we almost did) I would ask for help.  I wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions for fear of people thinking I was an idiot.  I wouldn’t rely on internet research on how to do things.  I wouldn’t let the fear of being judged for mistakes I’m making stop me from finding my own parenting groove.

Trying to be perfect and pretending I was coping and handling everything was not the right thing.  I couldn’t relax and enjoy those early days until a friend (sadly she’s no longer a friend but I’ll give the kudo’s) called me to check in and I broke down.  The next day she was at my door – just to chat and let me know that that I was doing a great job.

I had no idea how much I needed to hear that.  It still took a lot, but I started asking for help and advice and it made things easier.  I found people who I could count on when I had questions, needed a break or I was feeling overwhelmed and in turn, I could enjoy the precious moments!

Now, given all the “I wouldn’t” above I know I was doing the best with the knowledge and the support I had.  I was and I’m always the one people count on and look up to and trying to focus on “doing it right” and pleasing everyone around me, almost broke me.

I’m the strong and resilient one and while those are good traits, it’s a heavy load to put onto one person.  Like they say, check on your “strong” friends and family from time to time.

Always learning

We’re all doing our best, right?  There is no parenting manual so there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to what’s the best way.  If you haven’t lived in someone else’s shoes then respectfully, stay in your lane.  Every child, and in our case adoption, is different so there is no cookie cutter approach.

I’ve learnt that all you need is love but I’ve also learnt that it’s my job to raise a good human and to instill the same strong values and morals we have as a family.  I need to ensure that she’s ready to take on the world and based on the path we’re on, I can confidently say she’s going to be ok and she’s going to do great things.

Seeing my child show kindness and empathy to people around her and watching her move with a confidence I wish I had growing up is wonderful to watch.  I say “they’re always watching & listening” even when we don’t think they are – it eventually shows in the way they carry themselves.

Learning is not one directional nor is it linear.  We are here to teach our children and make sure they are ready to go out into the world to be good, thriving humans but we learn from them as well – at least I am.  I’ve never and will never profess to knowing it all – I might like my way 😊but the truth is that being open to learning about our growing kids, the world they currently live in and how they learn bridges the gap between their generation and ours.

I hope this piece can help another family so to end I’ll add…

…we’ve always tried to raise someone who didn’t just follow the crowd.  Someone who is kind and accepting of others.  Someone with a voice who has opinions and who can and will stand up for herself and for those who cannot.  We’re proudly on the right path.

Happy 13^th Gotcha Day to our little family.

#gotchaday #adoption #thirteenyears #lucky #family #familyday